And jokes

Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!

What is black and white and red all over?

... a newspaper!

Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.

Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?

A frog in a blender.

I just want to say this...

You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?

It had nine shots and seven chasers!

What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?

The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.

POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."