And jokes

Did you all hear about the newest gay celebrity couple? Yeah, John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn.

What is red and puts out fire?

What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?

A strong man’s biceps.

Why is 10 afraid?

Because he next to 9 and 11.

Why were the UK and the USA bad at chess?

Because they lost their queen and two towers.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

What's the difference between football and rape? Women don't like football.

What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?

Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.

You are so fat and ugly, Chucky didn't even want to play with you.

Go to the replies, look at the top and it will say "in your mum."

What's the difference between a low tide and your hairline?

Nothing, they're both receding.

If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

The kid just hangs there.

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

Q: Why can't you tell 9/11 jokes in a comedy club?

A: They always crash and burn.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Your mama is so fat.

She went on a diet and solved world hunger!

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?

It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.

Yo mama is so fat, she jumped on a trampoline and she broke it.