Also Jokes

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

Your sister: You're so ugly. me: but we look the same so whos also ugly?

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called? A tEsTiClE-

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum Your anus looks like my mums bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo. I also just wanted to add that a goonies anus looks like my nans mouth

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, I can also tell if they are standing.

Yes I have gained weight, I have also gained more brains, do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

If Kenny had a son we all know he would also be his brother

A chopper full of white people is also called a helicopter. A chopper full of black people is called a hellacopter.

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for your self. Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for your self be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for your self and others if they need it. Best-Gwen

Why are wives also called a housekeeper? Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

Why do heterosexual men like to receive a anonymous blowjob at a adult book store because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter".

Father : "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!"

Father : "That's great son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father : "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : "Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your Father."!!!