Also jokes

So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.

Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.

Girl: Hi (flirt)

Boy: Hi? (reluctant)

Girl: I'm a cheerleader captain, I'm also single (flirt).

Boy 2: Excuse me?! He's MY MAN...

What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?

Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂

Gwen just wanted to help you with the bullying.

Tip 1. Ignore them; bullies are really just cowards.

Tip 2. Stand up for yourself; it's ok for people to also help you, but you do the same for yourself!

Tip 3. Just let them be; they're just stupid!

Love you-Iariah

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.

Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.

Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.

Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.

P.S. No hating in these comments.

How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?

None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?

A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."

She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.

The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.

Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.

Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.

A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.

Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.

He also forgot to pay the power bill.

If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.

People who don't have common sense are just stupid people with ugly hearts. STOP HATING PEOPLE YOU NEVER KNOW! Also write "then exit the f word site," and I think we know that won't happen!!!

I L.O.V.E GWEN!!!!!!

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦁🦁🦁🐩🐖🐒🐷🐵🐎+/;!¥/%? Fuckfuckfuuk of your own is also a joke about your relationship with Google and Twitter users who don't know what they think of their own personal life, and the way they have been involved since the last few years of debate is the only thing.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

5+2 = 7

But 4+3 also = 7

So take your own path.

Me: September is here!

[Labor Day comes]

Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”