I had a boyfriend once, he broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive," guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!!!
Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!!!
Fans: 😭😭😭
Good news people michael jackson is still alive, they found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive. Miscarriages is ok because God did not want the baby to be alive.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
He dead, he alive but most importantly he got a new hard drive
Hitler was the most handsome man alive Everyone died for him
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
My aunt’s star sign is cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab
Me: What the diffrtn between me and my grandpa? Friends: What? Me I've been alive for the past 14 years
People need to stop taking life so seriously, after all, no one gets out alive!
Whats the similarity betweem christmas stuffing and my penis? I like them both inside dead animals. Because Alive animals feel top much like men.(and then I'd cum too quick)
Hola soy Dora do you see Donald Trump That’s right he’s at my house and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him so she was Walled alive
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of a object that's not alive, so i wrote a story about an emo kid
why is bieng alive so expensive im not even having a good time
I dont trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive
1 2 3 4 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
ElectroBOOM is a SHOCKING youtuber! (i cant believe he is still alive!)
I finally got my wife to shut up.Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years ha! try telling me to get my feet off the couch now karen!
