Aliveness jokes
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?
Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
ElectroBOOM is a SHOCKING YouTuber! (I can't believe he is still alive!)
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Conspiracy Theorists: Technoblade is still alive!
Me: Pigs live between 15 and 20 years!
Fans: 😭😭😭
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.