Aliveness jokes
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday? They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
TJ's hairline so far back you still couldn't find it when the Devil was alive.
Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.