Aliveness jokes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
TJ's hairline so far back you still couldn't find it when the Devil was alive.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."
Want to know what Juice WRLD would do if he were alive today?
Frantically scratch on the inside of his coffin.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
All these African jokes aren't funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y'all are racist and may God forgive you. You know we're rich with natural resources, that's why y'all come to steal from us. Shame on you all!
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!