Agriculture jokes
What do you call a stick that comes back a chicken?
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
What did the cow tell an Indian?
Moo!
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?
The tomato gets picked.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow-herd.
What did one angry cow say to another?
We got some beef.
My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
I wish 9/11 was in December because the poor farm fields.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
What do you call a donkey and a potato?
Assround
Sheep want to wool the world :)
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.