Aed jokes
An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"
The tree ghosted her.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.
Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!
He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.
Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.