Aed jokes

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.

How do you circumsize a hillbilly?

Kick his mother in the jaw

Don't be racist! BE LIKE MARIO!

He's an Italian plumber, created by the Japanese, who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.

Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?

A pedophile.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.