Aed jokes
What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.
What do you call a dev that is dead?
A deadveloper.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
Minimalism is a scam created by Big Small to sell more less.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
How does a rapper start his day?
With a MIC check!
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
What does a furry call a sexy furry?
A foxy lady!
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.
Do they say you are what you eat?
That makes Bulma a VEGETARIAN if u know what I'm SAIYAN.
Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
What do you call an ant with so much power?
A ter-mite.
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
Why do emos love jumping in water?
Because it involves a rope.