Aed jokes
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.
A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Random guy: "Go suck a D*ck!"
Me: Nah, I'd rather suck a 9mm.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
9/11 and Jenga are the same.
It's a controlled demolition.
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.