Aed jokes

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?

Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.