Aed jokes
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
You will never have a girlfriend.
What did the plate say to the other plate?
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.
Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"
The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
Person 1: A life.
Person 2: I don't get it.
Person 1: Exactly.
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
Did you sit in sugar?
Because you've got a sweet ass.
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
Happy birthday to you, you look like a ball, can’t fit in my jaws, I try to suck it.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
Hey, who thinks Gwen is a dummy, so is Jaden and Kenya!
"Why is your head big?"
"'Cause you're a ball."