Aed jokes

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉

Q: What does LMAO mean?

A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?

Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.