Aed jokes

Why did the rapper bring a shovel to the concert?

Because he was about to BURY the COMPETITION!

My friend Nickiya wanted to know what animal she'd be. I said that she would be a "Ni-cat-a."

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?

A-cheat shells.

What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?

Trick question, emo is a handicap.

I just bought a book about lamps...

So I can do some light reading over the weekend.

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

What is a milk?

Milk!!!!

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

You know how Joe Biden is happy?

When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

What do you call an orphan’s family tree?

A stump.

I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

How does someone with Down's Syndrome vote?

Through a special ballot.

You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.