Aed jokes
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
Your hairline is so far back that your forehead looks like a growing parasite!
I can't believe this!
Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Oh wait, I'm thinking of...
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
My dad has a pretty shitty job.
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."