Aed jokes
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
"Rueben Glover is a Steven Hawking spastic."
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?
The tap can run.