Aed jokes
Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?
You: What?
Me: She let it go, let it go!
The Fast of Ramadan
In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.
For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
A condom!
If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!