Accident

Accident Jokes

Ground Zero

A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"

An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"

The Scouser says, "Liverpool."

The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"

The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"

Place

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

Mama

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.

Kobe Bryant

Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.

Oh wait, I forgot.

Priest

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Fly

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

Baby

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

Death

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

Twin Towers

What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?

He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.

Kid

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"

Tower

When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.

Car

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

Omelet

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

Finger

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂