(everyone on titanic) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh the ship will sink!!!! (person washing hands) im using the sink wait your turn!!!!! (all crew members laugh) hahahhahahahahah.
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? to get to the other side
charli trys to roast me: roses are red violets are blue and u look like poo Me: you must of been born on the highway cuz thats where most accidents happen
Me dozing off while driving. Everyeone alse on the passanger plane September 11 2001
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
One time my boyfriend and i where playing the tickle game and i tickle him on his thighs by accident and i said oh no i am died. Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina and then i moaned while laughing and told him "STOP pls" . Then he said "that's what i thought" and i was like you cheated he was like "you first did it". So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then i jumped on him and pulled his dick five times.And he scream and i quickly ran out and laughed then he rann to me and i screamed and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while i said "ok ok stoppp" and he stopped and start sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while i said pls stop and then i pushed him off and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole and i said" owwwwwwww". Then he said" play with i'll fuck you up". I said ughh and slaped him.
So I left my mom with my baby and I was terrified when I came back in the wheelchair was in the water
I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?".
What do visiting goatman's bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common? You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell, she broke every bone in her body.
1 year later she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
My ex died in an anchorage accident. She always was a sleeping hooker.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man "how did you die?" the man says "I have a heart condition and iv'e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man "how did you die?" the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Bill? Bill?" bill hears faintly in the distance. Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.
