Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.
Oh wait, I forgot.
Did you hear the news? Michael jackson died, because he choked on 7 year old nuts and balls
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.
But it would just crash and burn.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
What's Kobe's favorite song?
"Helicopter Helicopter"
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
Why did the man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.
