Accident

Accident jokes

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

Helicopter, helicopter, Kobe Bryant in my chopper, Sitting next to burning daughter, Lots of smoke and little laughter.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.

John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"