Accident jokes
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon.
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11.
My dad died to it, he was a great pilot.
Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
What's black, has four wheels, and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?
He Neverland.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!
Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
What's black and found on top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.