This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Abuse Jokes
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
My dad hits me :(
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw the baby.
Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?
Because they never had loving parents of their own.
