Able Jokes

DR. what is wrong with me? You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car and I will be there in a couple of hours would you be able to pick them out at your house and I will pick you up and I will be at your place at your convenience I can get them in a little while I’m at the park bye

The cold winter night there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men where gay but they did not know. Fili: Fili. Kili: And Kili. Fili and Kili: At your service. Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins. Bilbo: No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house. Kili: What?! Has it been canceled? Fili: No one told us. Bilbo: Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled. Kili: That’s a relief. Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened. Kili: It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself? Bilbo: Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that? Dwalin: Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand. Kili: Mr. Dwalin. Balin: Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in. Bilbo: Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste! One of the Dwarves: Get off, you big lump!

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. it was a bar seat. they where able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"

why was the kid not able to cross the hallway? answer: the school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway

Why wasn’t the orphan able to finish his cereal?

His parents never brought back the milk.

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕

Me : “You guys wanna know a cool fact?” Friend 1 : “Yeah” Friend 2 : “Yea” Me : “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.” Friend 3 : “I love anime.” Friend 1 & 2 : “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Me : *Laughs at Friend 3*

Have ya heard about the awesome fruit race? the lettuce was ahead but the tomato was able to ketchup!

You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the enviorment

Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?

He wanted to be able to finger A minor

Why do tables never need wheelchairs?

Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖 👖👖 👖 👖👖 👖 👖 🔑 🏠 🤔 🙄why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest 👖 👖👖 👖👖👖 👖 removed zippers from the pants of 👬 gay men in the LGBT community? because he lost his key 🔑 to his house and he was desperate to get back 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🙃 🏠 inside of his house and he thought that one of keys 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 🔑 to their zippers would be able to unlock the door 🚪 of his house 🏠 🙌 🙌 ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ 👍 👍 😁 😁 😁 😁 😊 😊 😊 😊 😃 😃 😆 😆 😄 😆 😄 😆 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🤔 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴

Me: I want to be a stand up comedian Friend: You have to be able to stand up

Have you heard the joke about the paper? Never mind it’s tear-able