Abduction jokes

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.

Al-gebra.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

There was a kidnapping, but he woke up.

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

What do you call an orphan with parents?

I don't know... what?

Kidnapped. :)

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?

White Vans.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

How many times does 43 go into 8?

Get in the van and find out.