Worst Jokes Ever
Medusa makes men hard.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what hits first?
His lawnmower.
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.