Worst Jokes Ever
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"
If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
Did you hear about the racist sprinkler?
It kept going: "Spick spick spick Chink chink chink!"
Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.
And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Old soviet joke.
"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"