What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
Worst Jokes Ever
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.
A guy finds a genie.
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Woman jokes aren't funny, period.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
