Worst Jokes Ever

Why did your friend eat the burger?

Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!

Not really. He was just hungry.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.

What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?

Both have noses.

Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"

Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"

If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.

I am a sheep.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

Why did the guy like retarded jokes? Because he was a retard himself.

Me: What did one toilet say to the other?

You: What?

Me: You look flushed!

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?

I've never seen the inside of a mansion.

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a registered six offender.

Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.

He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Alabama.

Alabama who?

Alabama your cousin.