Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
What do Michael Jackson and ACN have in common? They both go in little kids.
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.
What do you call a Paki in a microwave?
Pting pting pting.
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
How do parents punish their blind kids?
They re-arrange the furniture.
Why can't disabled people make jokes?
Well, it's called Stand-Up comedy, isn't it?
Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
Hi, I am Michael Jackson, pronouns are HEE/HEE!
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!