Worst Jokes Ever

What do EMO kids use as birth control? Their Personalities.

What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.

Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?

(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.

(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!

(Kid) Quit what?

(Bus Driver) Living.

(Kid) But it was a joke!

(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.

(Kid) Ok.

(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

My victims still scream.

What type of pizza did the twin towers order?

Plain.

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

What's the difference between Autism and Gender?

Autism is on a spectrum.

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0

A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

What is long and black? The line at Popeyes.