Worst Jokes Ever
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."
Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?
Because they have a Target at every corner.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?
Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."
The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.
Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
You use dental floss.
What do you call a gay kid that is on fire?
LGBBQ
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight-year-old girl, then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture, and train her as a suicide bomber.