Worst Jokes Ever
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Your mama.
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
What do you call an orphan with a selfie?
A family portrait.
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "MOO!"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
How do mountains see? They peek.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.