I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
Worst Jokes Ever
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
You know why Elmer Fudd always came out hunting rabbits in the woods? Because Bugs Bunny would not stop flirting with his girlfriend.
Are you having rabbit and duck for dinner?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I got too obsessed with hares.
I tried making vegetable soup yesterday, but I couldn’t fit the wheelchair in the pot.
Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?
You can get on with a prostitute!
Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.
Sneed feed seed.
Formerly Chuck's!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't have a home.
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
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You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.
This news: family neuters furry son.
Why can't an orphan be a bully? Because they don't have parents.
This one butt cheek said to the other one, "It's really personal, but it's okay, I'll tell you." It said, "Hey, let's go to my crib so we can smoke a little joint, watch a movie, and go upstairs in the room and get down."
"Hey man, what's that, a dynamite you have in your hand? Ok, well hold it over. I'll give it right back."
"Oh no, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Oh, I won't!"
"Oh yes, you will!"
"Ok fine, then you take it or I'll blow our your butt before it farts."
Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.