Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
Worst Jokes Ever
I am the least serious person ever, but whoever is joking about cancer is vile :)
Get some fucking respect, you silly tramp!
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
Bully: You are ugly.
Me: You are so fat, you are the Call of Duty map.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"