Worst Jokes Ever

The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.

370HSSV 0773H wait, you're reading it upside down.

The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."

Why do orphans like milk so much?

Because they got no milk as a baby.

Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.

What's the difference between a drill and a priest?

Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!

You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

You’re so short, I bet you don’t have to bend to tie your shoelaces.

You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!