Worst Jokes Ever

What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

What has 4 wheels, 2 legs, and loves his shoulder?

Stephen Hawking.

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

What instrument can a skeleton not play? An organ!

What instrument can a skeleton play? A Trombone!

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

Friend 1: Eyyy gurl

Me: Hey! (Fake smile)

Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?

6 hours later

Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?

Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

Classroom: *visible panic*

Location is in London by the way.

One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.

His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"

Teacher: What month is it?

Quiet kid: AUG-ust.

Classroom: Visible concern.

A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"