Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought you were his brother.
Worst Jokes Ever
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
My forehead so big,
big like Biggie Smalls. I love cock, please bum my hole.
Hi.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.
Then I waited for the results.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."
Stephen Hawking's last words were the Windows closing sound.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Of a bad internet connection.
Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!
Me: Why? They don't land well together?
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.
Kid: Why, Dad?
Dad: So you don't get bored.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
When the drip is sus.
Be careful around fire, plastic melts.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their dad.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
