Worst Jokes Ever
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
No pine, no gain!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.
If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?
"No Way Home."
Why are orphans lonely?
Because they don't have parents to talk to.
Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?