What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Worst Jokes Ever
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
Why do orphans want to be criminals?
Gay orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "daddy," and lesbian orphans don't exist cuz they have no one to call "mommy."
Mole
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]
"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]
"How much have you found so far?"
"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
Why don't orphans like to get lost?
Because somebody's going to ask where their parents are.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alex.
Alex who?
Lalicks your balls.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
