A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why does the orphan eat water with cereal?
Mom forgot to come back with the milk.
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
Q: Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
A: Because their dad is shopping for the milk.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
Your mum is gay; her name is Rachel.
What's an orphan's favorite song?
"Gimme Shelter."
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Minecraft YouTube, but I can sing Believer!
YouTube, but I'm making a first video in YouTube.
And I record all the Minecraft videos and upload.
Ooohh! To try it and upload. Ooohh!
I've been recorded to streaming, couple more sleeps to do the dreaming.
I finally get to the stronghold, and if you told me, you told me, you told me, you told me.
Place some more ender eyes, and it's time to big surprise.
It's time to kill the ender dragon, go into the...
END!
Take that crystal, take that crystal, Believer, Believer!
Knock him down, knock him down, Believer, Believer!
Axe it's head, axe it's head.
Axe it's head, defeat him.
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What kind of car does Pikachu drive?
A Volts-wagon.
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
