I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America’s Funniest Home Videos.
(lol)
Orphans can't find the home page.
Yo head built like 2 parentheses.
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
For he can be wanted.
Why do orphans play Sims?
Because they can make themselves a family.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.
I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.
Má ég fara heim?
(In an infant-esque voice.)
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
Why do orphans cry at insurance places?
They got offered the family plan.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What’s a depressed kid's favorite game? Hangman.
The Mexican landscaper came to cut our lawn. My mom was happy then asked him, "Can I have some of your burrito?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Whatever."
A few minutes later, my mom told me to cut the lawn. I said, "Why do I have to do it? That's what he's there for." My mom said, "He's going to do the burrito for me." Then I said, "Okay." I finished cutting the lawn and went in the house. I see my mom giving the landscaper a blow job. I said to my mom, "What are you doing?" My mom said, "What does it look like? I'm having my burrito." The landscaper told me that I missed a spot while cutting the lawn.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
