Worst Jokes Ever

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

Can emo kids get a happy birthday?

I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Try not to <3.

"My name is Dezz."

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

Your mini pecker is so small, the taxi driver said the ride was so short that he'd do it for free.

Why did the skeleton not go to the party?

Yo mama so fat.

In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.

Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?

To see his closest relatives.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.

We forge the chains we wear in life.

"So what, ah, my G?"

Lean.