Worst Jokes Ever

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

That bloke Dean's a cunt!

I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.

Seeing so many balding college students is so sad. Like, why the fuck is your hairline graduating before you?!?

If the USA is so good,

Why did they make a USB?

I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.

I just stand at the back and ting.

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

What did the north tower say to the south tower?

"You're too young to smoke."

You: You are such a flick pain.

Me: You are flick pain to my sight.

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.

My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.

Why can't orphans be gay? They have nobody to call "daddy."

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.