Yours jokes

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.

The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: The Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him.

The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native American kills him. They both see each other in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?"

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.

What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?

Tan toes.

Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"

The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."

After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

What is different about priests and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!

One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tank.

Tank who?

You're welcome.

When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.