You're jokes
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
My life, your life, and your sister is a slut.
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
My wife told me, "Don't buy 1 gun while on your trip," so I decided to buy 2 guns instead.
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
How can you tell if Google is a girl?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!
Your mom.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
What season is it when you're on a trampoline?
Spring time!
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.