You're jokes
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
Kid: I need help!
Mom: Help your balls.
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "Sad"
Teacher: "Anyway, is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your parents!"
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
Please write your comment.
But do not use words like monkey, donkey, loser, etc.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.