Your Mother Jokes

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked. "Daddy why are you banned from coming to elementary school?", The dad calmly replies. "Because that's how I met your mother.".

You're so ugly that when you were born your mother asked "how does my little treasure look", and the doctor replied, I think we should bury it immediately.

A man marries a blonde chick, live a happy life together and the man asks his wife if she wants kids she says "yes". So, a couple years go by, they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question"

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom. He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store". But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19 yr old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?". Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing." Johnny says, "Oh." "But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

Son: Daddy,Why this red soup is so much sweet? Because your mother had diabetes

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.

Your mother is so fast she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack

Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Please send me a sibling" Santa Claus wrote him back and said "okay, send me your mother"

Peter: *curses* Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Peter: Ha, joke’s on you! I don’t have a mother. Tony, having a heart attack: ASFJDHJWNSGREGEJDHFWVWHUSYSG PETER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Your mother has been with us for 20 years,” said John. “Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?” “My mother?” replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.”

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain."

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She tort them all to pull out on time.

knock knock who's there? Mother! Mother who. its your mother.

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton and you still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work "

I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F... OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.