A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
By:Xzavier
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
Dad: Hey son wanna here a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbors dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life son! My life is the joke.
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says “Your mother, of course.” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says “You’re so so sexy!”
Teacher- "I'll call your mother" Orphan- "go on, see if she picks up
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A. Ask your mother.
Old soviet joke. Who is your mother? Our great Soviet country. Who is your father? Our dear comrade Stalin. What's your greatest desire? Becoming an orphan.
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "on what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died jaja ur momma dead
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude? Orphan: ...
"Jesus can turn water into wine,but I can turn your mother into mine " -Sun Tzu the art of creating war
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself. It's really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
