Your dad jokes
Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"
Mister: No, you shit head.
Boy: Why? :(
Mister: Because I'm not your dad.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
Your mom is a transgender, your dad took a wrong turn just like his gender, your brother is just gay.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That's means you like dad more.
Liam: No, its because i like paris.
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why?
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
How can you tell when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's knob tastes funny.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"
Just ask your dad.
How's your dad?
What? I forgot he's still sleeping.
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?