Your dad jokes
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
You look like your mom and your dad had a child.
What’s the difference between your dad and your hairline?
Nothing, they both ran off.
Fat jokes and mom jokes😂
1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."
2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.
3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."
4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!
5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."
6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.