Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?
Students: Eggs.
Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?
Kids: Bacon.
Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?
Kids: Homework.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
What do you call a group of emos?
Suicide Squad.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
