You jokes

What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?

An “Astronut”!

What do you call a male cow that snores?

A “Bull Dozer”.

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.

How many children does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

"What do you do with your free time?"

"I stalk."

"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."

"I know."

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

Peter: *curses*

Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.

Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!

"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""

Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?

Why you always in a mood?

How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"