The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.
You Jokes
Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
What do you call a tamal that's in a bed?
Tamaleto.
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.
All I have to do is go to the Africa section.
Have you ever eaten African food?
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.
Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get out of me.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get in my mouth, oh how I wanna taste you.
Oh, butt plug, oh butt plug, something is nutty.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
