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While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?

Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭

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    • Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

    Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

    How do you keep a homophobic heterosexual man that is a minister and a Christian nationalist with blond hair in suspense?

    Wait until Christmas to take away his church's tax-exempt status or he will call the ACLU.

    I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

    Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"

    Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"

    Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

    Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

    Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

    Man: Hey Siri!

    Siri: Yes?

    Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

    Siri: Uh...

    *phone literally explodes*

    Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

    Last night I had the strangest dream!

    I sailed away to China!

    And I caught the coronavirus!

    You said you needed to wash your hands!

    Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

    And you said!!

    Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

    Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

    Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

    Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

    How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?

    Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"

    A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

    The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

    He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

    Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

    Roblox Talent Shows be like:

    Host: Next Up is Bob!

    Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-

    *Buzzing Noises*

    Judges: You suck!

    Bob: I'm reporting!

    *Bob get's kicked from the server*

    What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!