Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
You Jokes
What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA.
I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.
I love working in an orphanage.
What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”
“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces!! HAHAHA
Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
How do you call an American bee?
USB.
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Old lady.
Old lady who?
I did not know you could yodel!
I do not understand why people aren't scared of spiders. I mean, like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 23864867759578590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes.
I saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK I'M GONNA SLEEP IN THERE?????????
Nope. I'm moving to Japan.
KONNICHIWA
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.
What egg do you buy an orphan?
Free range.
What do you call a Dino stripper?
A dinowhore.
What do you call a gay dwarf?
Coming out of the cupboard.
To All The Naruto Fans:
Sharingan is red, Rasengans are blue, If you dare touch my daughter, I'll Chidori you!
I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.
Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!
