Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
What do you call a rapper who's also a pirate?
Captain Rhyme.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil Sizzle.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
How do you know when a rapper's been in the kitchen?
The microwave goes, "ding, ding!"
What do you call a rapper who can't keep a beat?
A RAPPER-TAP-TAP!
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
What do you call a rapper who becomes a chef?
A LYRICAL COOK!
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?
Stole his slogan, just do it!
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
America Twin Tower: "Hey, have you seen the Malaysian Twin Tower? I have, but only from 1971 to 2001."
Malaysian Twin Tower: "I STOOD LONGER!"
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
MC Skillet.
